Ever so often, I would find myself having these mental breakdowns that get triggered by the smallest incident. Feelings of being inept, lazy and stagnant, overwhelmed me. Then, I would compound the negative feelings by beating myself up for being ungrateful for this fortunate life that I have. I know that there are people all over the world who would kill to have what I have in this moment. But… I just can’t ignore the screaming in my head. I can’t ignore the truth. The time has come for me to accept that this life, the life that I have settled into, it just isn’t enough for me. As grateful as I am for it, I know there is more that I am suppose to do. I feel it in the deepest parts of my being.
How did I even get to this place? Easily; I got comfortable! Professional success, amicable companionship and a decent NYC apartment made me comfortable. But comfort comes with a price. My fits of anxiety came about when the truth forced itself to the surface. The truth that comfort has never been what I wanted out of life. Materializing of my grandiose visions; Yes. Creating inspired works of art, Yes. Unbridled passion and adventure, YES! But never comfort. Greatness has been the only thing I have dreamed about since I was a kid. In my highest vision, I wanted to end this game of life knowing that I left every ounce of sweat, blood and tears out on the field.
“Comfort is the great killer of ambition and creativity”
So I have decided to leave this space of comfort. I have filled so many notebooks with my ideas and dreams, I can’t let them die for the sake of comfort. There are so many depths of myself that I need to explore, I can’t leave them un-nurtured for the sake of comfort. I don’t know exactly what the path is, but I know I have to get on it. And to get on it, I need to get out. out of this stagnant stage of life. But it’s hard to travel when you are weighed down with too much baggage (literally). So, I am gladly getting rid of it all so that I can make space for every dream I have ever had.
“If everything must go, then go!. That’s how I choose to live”
I had first considered the option of just getting my own place. But my search felt so overwhelming. I couldn’t even pick a city to live in, far-less being able to decide on a neighborhood. I couldn’t find a price point that made sense and I couldn’t bare paying money to live in a space that didn’t inspire me. Nothing felt right so I just stopped looking. I stopped trying to force a decision, and that’s when it came to me. Maybe, just maybe, I didn’t have to live anywhere.
I started getting excited by the idea of not having a home base. Allowing myself the freedom to move with the winds of inspiration. Instead of using my money to get a place that would be my anchor, I can use it to go where I felt pulled to and it will be my sail. I started to see the potential of all the self ascribed beliefs of who I am, being realized. I can truly be a citizen of the world. I could fully commit to my exploration of minimalist living. I could be free to be an artist.
Going with this flow of excitement, I gave my roommate my 30 days notice. I have donated a few items, some have been trashed and others are simply just going to be left behind. I do not know what the next few weeks/months have in store, but I am ready to embrace whatever comes. So, here I am, open and determined
After more than 3 decades on the earth, these are all my possessions. a suitcase full of clothes and shoes, books and art supplies, keep sakes and my loyal ceramic dog, Rascoe
As a sidenote, You have to admit that it is a pretty ironic that I will be a home designer without a home. Go figure!
Yours Truly,
H. Alex
The Nomadic Designer
Follow the Journey: Instagram: HAlexSanchez
“If you can make one heap of all your winnings, and risk it on one turn of pitch and toss
And lose, and start again at your beginnings, and never breathe a word about your loss”
